of compromising Julia. At first Julia was taken aback, but at
last she could keep her presence of mind. She was sure, that
Michael wasn’t jealous of Tom. He was too self-satisfied and self-
confident for that. He thought he knew Julia inside and out, but
in fact, he knew nothing about her. He paid no attention to the
gossip and he didn’t mind Julia having some fun. But Julia
couldn’t forget his remark, it gave her no rest.
She racked her brains to understand who could have told it to
him. Then suddenly it occurred to her, that it was Dolly, no
doubt.
4. Julia was furious with Dolly. She wouldn’t stand interference
with her private life. That was none of her business.
Julia was determined to have the matter out with Dolly. She rang
her up to make an appointment. Dolly’s voice sounded cold and
hostile. Julia had always been able to turn Dolly round her
finger, but now she could hardly convince Dolly to come.
When they met, they talked about indifferent things, and then Julia
got down to the point. She never took her eyes off Dolly’s
face while talking. She failed to convince Dolly that Tom wasn’t
her lover. But Dolly pretended that she believed her and said
Julia had taken a great weight off her mind.
Portion VII.
1. Julia had already heard the name of Avice Crichton mentioned
a few times. She knew, that there was some talk that this small-
part actress would perhaps get a part in a play they were going
to put on. So, when Michael once mentioned her, Julia wasn’t
taken aback. Michael said that Tom had put in a word for Avice.
Michael thought it was worth while to go and have a look at
her, but as he was busy on Sunday, he asked Julia to go.
Yielding to curiosity, Julia agreed. Tom was to go with her. But
long before Julia had seen her, she made up her mind that Avice
would never get a part in their theatre.
2. Julia was relieved to see that Avice Crichton couldn’t act to
toffee. This fact took a great weight off her mind.
When the curtain fell, Tom said that he wished Julia go behind
and congratulate Avice. Julia was so amazed, that at first, she
didn’t know if she should burst into laughter or get angry. But
she got over her amazement. She was determined to go through
with it.
Though Avice didn’t seem to be nervous and was self-assured, Julia
wasn’t taken in by her grand manners. It even amused her. Julia
saw that Avice was anxious to get this part.
3. Tom was head over ears in love with Avice. As soon as he
could, he brought the conversation to her. It irked him to see
Julia home.
Julia knew that she must put an end to their affair, she must
get over it. The theatre was her only refuge. She felt relief,
when it was time to go there. Merely to be inside a theatre
rested her. In ordinary life she had to stifle her passion and
her anguish, but on the stage she let herself go.
She had never put more of herself into a part.
4. Although Michael himself might not be a good actor, but he
knew good acting from bad. So he saw at once that Julia was
acting like hell, she was exaggerating and over-acting. Her
performance was rotten.
Michael blamed only himself. Julia needed a good rest. He ought
to have insisted on her taking holiday long ago. He said they
would revive some play. He was even prepared to suffer losses.
The only thing, that mattered, was Julia’s health. Once again Julia
was struck by his magnanimity. Michael was the only man she
could rely on. He would never let her down.
5. She decided to go and stay with her mother. Madame de
Lambert, as Michael insisted on calling her, was an old lady well
over seventy. Julia had a feeling that in the course of her
brilliant career, she had a trifle neglected her mother. Now she
could make up for it.
Her mother and aunt led drab monotonous lives and it would be a
great joy for them to have her on a long visit. And for Julia
it was an opportunity to cut herself off completely for a time
from her old life and regain serenity.
Julia, to her great amazement, soon discovered that to them her
celebrity was an embarrassment rather than an asset. They didn’t
even offer to take her with them to pay calls. Julia was taken
aback, when they said that it would be better if she didn’t tell
anyone that she was an actress. But her sense of humour
prevailed and she felt inclined to laugh.
They made much fuss of her not because she was a great actress,
but because she was in poor health and needed a rest.
Portion VIII.
1. Julia often had to listen to women’s stories about how men
followed them in the street, how they tried to catch their eye,
and how it was difficult to get rid of them. It seemed very
flattering to Julia. She often wondered why she’d never been
followed. It wasn’t as if she had no sex appeal. And what if
not ? Julia decided to put the matter to the test. She had to
be sure.
Julia took much pains to look neither too plain nor too
respectable. A slight smile hovered her lips. Several times Julia
caught her breath catching a man’s eye and expecting him to
start following her, but they all passed by without paying any
attention to her. It was humiliating. It flashed through her mind
that she had chosen the wrong street. But there was nothing to
do.
2. Julia almost lost all hope of being picked up. Suddenly she
noticed a young man looking at her and never taking his eyes
off her. She slandered her pace feeling him behind. It was
beginning to look like an adventure. Julia looked forward to
getting into conversation with the young man. It was interesting
what he would offer. Julia looked at him doubtfully. Judging by
his appearance, it was quite clear that he couldn’t afford to
invite her to a restaurant. She looked him in the face
encouraging him to start speaking. But then suddenly he called
her by her name. She was so astonished, that she nearly jumped
out of her skin.
3. Julia looked forward to the beginning of the rehearsals.
Though Julia had been on the stage for many years, every time
she tried a new part she didn’t feel like a leading lady, but
as if she was a girl playing her first part. She was glad to
meet with other members of the cast. Most of them she knew very
well. Only with actors she felt at ease. She was one of them.
This atmosphere of make-believe was the only one where she could
breathe.
Besides, the rehearsals distracted her mind from disturbing
thoughts. She felt that soon she would be able to get over her
sorrow. Now Tom was his own master. She didn’t care two straws
for him.
4. Julia greeted Avice. They talked about indifferent things, but
Julia watched her out of the corners of her eyes. Michael was
disappointed after the first rehearsal. It seemed she wasn’t
capable of taking directions. He was ready to dismiss her at
once. But Julia couldn’t let it happen. Tom would think that
Avice was dismissed because Julia was jealous of him. Julia had
enough influence on Michael to make him keep Avice in the cast.
She suggested that Michael should go through the part with Avice
in private. In that case she’d be able to give a good
performance. Besides, it was an iron cast part. It was impossible
to spoil it. But at the bottom of her heart Julia always
remembered that she would have to get even with Avice. She’d
never make a success. She’d fail and Julia would see to it. And
it would make up for her anguish.
Portion IX.
1. Julia couldn’t dismiss from her mind the curious conversation
she had had with Roger. She felt uneasy because he accused her
of lacking in personality, he said that Julia didn’t exist apart
from her roles.
She had a talk with Charles about Roger. But he didn’t share
her feelings. He seemed to sympathise more with Roger than with
her. In some way he took Roger seriously. Charles told Julia
that she had nothing to worry about, things would straighten out
for Roger after a while. She should just leave him alone.
Having heard it, Julia felt ill at ease. Roger was thankful to
her, because she had always let him lead his own life. It seemed
strange that such different people thought alike.
2. The first night was special in Julia’s life. In by-gone years
she had been extremely nervous before it. Since early morning
she began to feel slightly sick and towards evening she was so
worked up, that she was about losing her presence of mind.
But now, after having passed through that ordeal so many times,
she had learnt to check her nervousness. But still, by the time
the play was to be begun, she started feeling ill at ease, grew
irritable. Those, who knew her well enough, took care to keep out
of her way. The necessity to speak to people irritated her, she
wished everyone would leave her alone.
But at the bottom of her heart, Julia had a notion that their
new play would be a hit. She looked forward to the moment she
would face the hall, packed with people and would demonstrate
again her power over the public.
3. Michael was the only one, who guessed that Julia had let
Avice down. His eyes were shining with complacency. He thought
that Julia had played such a trick because she was jealous of
Avice to him. He couldn’t but feel flattered. As Julia knew her
husband inside and out, she had a notion what he was thinking
about. She laughed up her sleeve at his mistake. One couldn’t
cure him of his complacency. It would be better to let him
think what he wanted. She really was inclined to laugh, though
she checked herself, she couldn’t conceal a slight smile.
She had settled a score with Avice. She deserved it because she
had a trial to stay in her way.
4. Now Julia was free from the bonds, which had burdened her so
much. She had got over her pain and was relishing her freedom.
She had been such a fool to take Tom and their affair
seriously. But that had been amusing, and it could come in useful
for a new part.
Roger had said that her acting was a make-believe. But that make-
believe was the only reality for her. She was an artist, who
used people’s feelings and her own as a material for the art
and beauty creation.
