the fact that, since the writer knew the name of his correspondent he
should have begun the letter Dear Mr Arrand and ended Yours sincerely.
There is no reference to the date or reference number of the enquiry.
Catalogues should be have sent with a reply to the enquiry; it is
annoying for a customer to have to wait for further information to be sent.
Even if a catalogue is sent, the customer's attention should be drawn to
particular items that would interest him/her in the line of business.
He/she might be concerned with the upper or lower end of the market. He
might want moderately priced items, or expensive ones.
3. The right length
Here is a letter that is more suitable:
Dear Mr Arrand, Thank you for your enquiry of 5 November.
We have enclosed our winter catalogue and price-list giving details of
c.i.f. London prices, discounts and delivery dates.
Though you will see we offer a wide selection of watches, may we draw
your attention to pp. 23-28, and pp. 31-37 in our catalogue, which we
think might suit the market you are dealing with? And on page 34 you
will notice our latest designs in pendant watches, which are becoming
fashionable for both men and women.
As you are probably aware, all our products are fully guaranteed and
backed by our world-wide reputation.
If there is any further information you require, please contact us.
Meanwhile, we look forward to hearing from you soon.
Yours sincerely,
Let's sum up the basic rules concerning the letter length.
The letter should be neither too long nor too short. It is better to
include too much information than too little. Your reader cannot read your
mind. If you leave out vital information, he won't know what he wants to
know, unless he writes back again and he may not bother to do that.
If you include extra information, at least he'll have what he wants,
even though he may irritated by having to read the unnecessary parts.
Provided, of course, that you include the vital information as well as the
extras: the worst letter of all is the one that gives very piece of
information about the product, except for the price.
Order and sequence
As well as containing the right amount of information, the letter
should also make all the necessary points in a logical sequence, with each
idea or piece of information linking up with the previous one in a pattern
that can be followed. Do not jump around making a statement, switching to
other subjects, then referring back to the point you made a few sentences
or paragraphs before.
1. Unclear sequence
Consider this badly-written letter. There is no clear sequence to the
letter, which makes it difficult to understand.
Dear Sir,
We are interested in your security system. We would like to know
more about the prices and discounts you offer.
A business associate of ours, DMS (Wholesalers) Ltd., mentioned
your name to us and showed us a catalogue. They were impressed with the
security system you installed for them, so we are writing to you about
it. Do you give us guarantees with the installations?
In your catalogue we saw the 'Secure 15' which looks as though it
might suit our purposes. DMD had the 'Secure 18' installed, but as we
mentioned, they are wholesalers, while we are a chain of stores. We
would like something that can prevent robbery and shoplifting, so the
'Secure 15' might suit us.
How long would it take to install a system that would serve all
departments? Could you send us an inspector or adviser to see us at
some time?
If you can offer competitive prices and guarantees we would put
your system in all our outlets, but initially we would only install the
system in our main branch.
We would like to make a decision on this soon, so we would
appreciate an early reply.
Yours faithfully,
2.Clear sequence
Here is a better version of the same letter, in which the ideas and
information are in logical order.
Dear Mr. Jerry,
We are a chain of retail stores and are looking for an efficient
security system. You were recommended to us by our associates DMS
(Wholesalers) Ltd. for whom you recently installed an alarms system,
the 'Secure 18'.
We need an installation which would give us comprehensive
protection against robbery and shoplifting throughout all departments;
and the' Secure 15' featured in your catalogue appears to suit us.
However, if one of your representatives could come along to see us, he
would probably be able to give us more advice and details of the
available systems.
Initially, we will test your system in our main branch, and if
successful, then extend it throughout our other branches, but of course
a competitive quotation and full guarantees for maintenance and service
would be necessary.
Please reply as soon as possible as we would like to make a
decision within the next few months. Thank you
Yours sincerely,
Paragraphs
1. First paragraph
The first sentence or paragraph of a letter is an important one since it
gets the tone of the letter and gives your reader his first impression of
you and your company. Generally speaking, in the first paragraph you will
thank your correspondent for his letter (if replying to an enquiry),
introduce yourself and your company if necessary, state the subject of the
letter, and set out the purpose of the letter. Here are two examples:
Thank you for your enquiry dated 8 July in which you asked us about
our range of cosmetics. As you have probably seen in our advertisements
in fashion magazines, we appeal to a wide age-group from the teenage
market trough to more mature women, with our products being retailed in
leading stores throughout the world.
Thank you for your letter of 19 August which I received today. We
can certainly supply you with the industrial floor coverings you asked
about, and enclosed you will find a catalogue illustrating our wide
range of products, which are used in factories and offices throughout
the world.
2. Middle paragraphs
This is the main part of your letter and will concern the points that need
to be made, answers you wish to give, or questions you want to ask. As this
can vary widely with the type of letter that you are writing, it is dwelt
in other parts of my diploma work.
It is in the middle paragraphs of a letter that planning is most
important, to make sure that your points are made clearly, fully and in
logical sequence.
3. Final paragraph
When closing the letter, you should thank the person for writing, if your
letter is a reply and if you have not done this at the beginning. Encourage
further enquiries or correspondence, and mention that you look forward to
hearing from your correspondent soon. You may also wish to restate , very
briefly, one or two the most important of the points you have made in the
main part of the letter. Here are some examples:
Once again thank you for writing to us, and please contact us if
you would like any further information. To go briefly over the points I
have made - all prices are quoted c.i.f. Yokahama; delivery would be
six weeks from receipt of order; and payment should be made by bank
draft. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
I hope I have covered all the questions you asked, but please
contact me if there are any other details you require. May I just point
out that the summer season will soon be with us, so please place an
order as soon as possible so that it can be met in good time for when
the season starts. I hope to hear from you in the near future.
We are sure that you have made the right choice in choosing this
particular line as it is proving to be a leading seller. If there is
any advice or further information you want, we shall be happy to supply
it, and look forward to hearing from you.
3. Rules and manners for writing a business letter
. Main steps
. Technical layout of letter
. A letter's style
Writing an effective business letter is an important skill for every
manager and business owner.In this brief overview we will examine the five
main steps in creating an effective business letter.
Main Steps:
1.Identify your Aims:
Clearly establish what you want to achieve from the letter- whether it is
to win back a dissatisfied customer or to reprimand an employee.Whatever
the aim, create your letter from these goals.
2. Establish the facts:
Make sure you have the relevant accurate facts available. For a late
payer,this might include relevant invoices, complaint forms, talks with
your sales department and any previous correspondence from the customer.
3. Know the recipient of the letter:
Write in the language of your recipient. Try to put yourself in the
position of the recipient. Read it from his point of view. Is the letter
clear or open to misinterpretation. If you know the recipient, use this
knowledge to phrase the letter to generate your desired response.
4. Create a sample Copy:
Having established your aims, amassed the relevant facts with a conscious
view of the recipient- write down the main points of your letter.
